Standing Together

    My husband and I married young. Very young. Most said we wouldn't make it past two years. A few weeks ago we celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary. I like to say that wild angels are to thank for that. ;-) I love that man. Even when we are totally annoyed with each other, I love that man.
    We were told that marriage isn't easy. My 17 year old self just could not believe that the wonderful young man that I had loved for so long could ever hurt me or make me angry enough to question what seemed to be God's perfect plan for us. I could not ever imagine that at 17 and 20, we could ever grow or change from what we were at that moment. I was wrong. I had quit school thinking that I didn't need a high school diploma to be a wife and mother. It was all I had ever wanted to be. When 3 months into our marriage I found out we were pregnant with our first child, I panicked. I had visions of my child coming to me saying, "But Mom, you quit!" I enrolled the following semester into a program for school aged expectant mothers and completed half of my 11th grade year as well as my entire senior year in one semester. During that time, my husband's lungs spontaneously collapsed and I was reminded of all I had to lose. I can remember praying so hard. He had surgery and stayed in the hospital for a long time while I slept by his bed in a chair for a month and spent every spare moment I had doing as much of my school work that I could cram in. I tried not to worry about the bills, the groceries, the car that was breaking down. He was in so much pain and all I could keep praying for was his recovery and for the health of our unborn baby. My prayers were answered and my love had recovered in time to watch me walk to get my diploma. (Or rather, I waddled with my big belly ;-) ) Looking back, I realize how much that experience made us grow. We were stronger than ever and it helped us realize that as long as we had each other, we could get through anything.
    Fast forward a few years and a job change. We were pregnant with baby number 2. On the same day that the next door neighbor's place burned down and I had to run out of the house with our daughter in a panic on the phone with 911, my husband goes into the hospital with another collapsed lung. I was terrified to lose him. He came out of surgery looking so pale and had to stay in ICU. I couldn't stay with him that time and it broke my heart. We had a little girl that need mama, too. Over several months, he gained strength, and was able to return to work. I still don't remember how we made it through all of that a second time. I think it may have been so horrible that I have blocked it out.
    There have been so many ups and downs. The birth of our children, then me nearly bleeding to death afterwards and him right there holding my hand while the bleeding was being stopped. The job changes, the moves, the good times and the bad. We have gone through so much together. One would think that after all we have learned that there would never be a cross word or angry feeling between us. I wish I could say this were true. There are 2 things I have learned for certain 1) we are human and therefore we will make mistakes for the rest of our lives 2) that a marriage is precious and not something to be given up on. In a marriage we share our most secret selves with another person. God granted a forever friend and designed marriage to be the most important relationship we ever have on Earth besides the one we have with Him. We go through the hardest moments of our lives together. We know each other better than anyone else on this Earth knows us. Yet, we are usually the first ones the other one will hurt. We are most comfortable with those that know us the best and that means, unfortunately, that when we lash out, the one closest to us is usually our spouse. This is not the way it was meant to be.

    I have a wonderful aunt that made something to put on a shelf in our house that has the words written on it that we had read at our wedding. It is an excerpt from "The Art of a Good Marriage" by Wilfred Arlan Peterson. It says this,

 A good marriage must be created.

 In marriage the little things are the big things...

It is never being too old to hold hands.

It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.

It is never going to sleep angry.

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world.

It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.

It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.

It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.

It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.

It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.

It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.     
    Sometimes, when the road gets a little rocky, I find it helpful to pull this down, read it, and reread it several times, really letting the words seep into my heart. It's easy to forget that I was once, and have many times before, been left reeling from yet another hard blow by this harsh world and looked to find my love holding my hand through the storm. I have had many times that I have forgotten how hard I have fought to be by his side when he needed me.      A marriage is meant to be two people standing together and facing the world, not standing in front of each other with hatred in their hearts.  I can't think of anyone that I would rather have standing with me.  8/06/05

Be Blessed!

Maygan

Our Journey to Home School

    The decision to home school was not easy. I wanted to from the day she was born. I could not imagine sending my little one off to school nearly all day. I was told it would be a mistake, that I would regret it and that I wouldn't be able to do it. I wasn't qualified enough. She wouldn't be socialized enough. She needed to go to school. Our son came and I was told that there was no way I could home school with 2 children. They wouldn't get the attention they need with their work. I bought into the lies and sent her to Kindergarten. We both hated it. She liked doing the fun activities, but hated just about everything else. She was sick every day. Picking her up from school several times a week because she had gotten sick or being late for the bus nearly every morning because her stomach had gone into spasms got old quickly. I was told she would just have to adjust. It didn't feel right. Didn't God give her to me? I felt that God had called me to the teaching and training of my children and I was being ripped in two every time I put that little girl on the bus. Kaylee wasn't getting any better. Finally a doctor told me that it was anxiety and that if she didn't adjust on her own, she would need to be put medication to calm her nerves. What!?!?! She was 5. That was not an option. My husband decided to let me pull her from the public school system and teach her at home. 

    I ordered all of her books, signed up for some online lessons and we began our journey. There was so much for me to learn. I am still learning new things all the time. The first thing I learned was that the only mistake I had made so far was sending her to public school. I would never regret it. I would regret some of the choices I would make along the way, but home schooling wouldn't be one of them. I learned that I have the highest qualification I can get. God gifted those children into my care. He thought me qualified enough. My children have lots of family, they have friends, and they are always watching their parents interact with others, learning how to relate to others. If children are expected to learn how to socialize and relate to the rest of the world from children their own age, the future truly is bleak in terms of friendliness and compassion towards others. As for teaching with 2 children, would it not make sense that I could more effectively manage just a few than a teacher can a whole classroom? I feel I can manage my children better than anyone else. I know them better than anyone else. Home schooling has it's moments. First it was trying to figure out how to keep a little one occupied to get the work accomplished. This year I have started Kace with Kindergarten work while Kaylee is doing 2nd grade. I am learning a whole new way of doing everything.
    It's not easy. I have had people tell me to just put them in school. Comments like that make me feel like I can never talk to anyone about those struggles. Parenting in general is hard. Does that mean we should just give up? I love what I do and we all enjoy the time spent together everyday. I don't see my children hurting for our decision. I have made many adjustments to our curriculum and schedule along the way to make it work best for us. I will write more on that soon. Teaching my children has forced me to grow and change in wonderful ways. I think sometimes that I am learning more than they are, but I feel truly blessed to be able to share this journey with my children.

 Be Blessed

Maygan

Love Is Patient...

    Good Golly Miss Molly! 

    The day we went to the shelter, we had no intention of bringing anything home. My daughter wanted to go to see what it was like. She had seen animal shelters on television and wanted to see one in person. My husband had never walked the kennels in the back either. So I prepared my children for the sadness and we all went. I was, of course, the only one crying walking through it. We went into the puppy room and ooohed and aaahed over the babies. We went to the adult kennels and walked to the end then turned to walk back. I had passed all of the dogs already, we had remarked on all of the beautiful looking dogs, and my husband had mentioned how much he liked the ones that weren't adding to the deafening noise. I have no idea what made me stop. We had passed her on the way through and noted nothing remarkable. Maybe it was the fact that we happened to lock eyes and she seemed to know something that I didn't. A wise soul in an eight month old hound's body. She just leaned into her kennel door and stared into my soul. I told my husband that I would like to get her out to meet her. We walked through the cat room. They all pulled at my heart. I wanted out of there. The cats, the dogs, the puppies... they were all crying for a safe home of their own and someone to love them. I was breaking. 

    They brought the little basset hound mix with the wise eyes to us when we asked to see her. We took her for a walk outside. I let my husband take her, pet her, talk to her, and fall for her just a little. After she had worked her magic on us all we decided to get her. Kaylee had saved some of her birthday money for a dog sometime down the line, so it wasn't too much of a stretch for us to throw in the rest. We were told we could get her the next day. I barely slept all night. It felt that I had a new baby that I knew was in a horrible place and I couldn't bring her home. When I got the phone call the next morning to come get her I could hardly contain myself. I knew there would be challenges, but I was looking forward to knowing that we had saved even just one. 

    Since coming home she has chewed toys, taken off with shoes, clothes and anything she can get her mouth on. She cowers from my husband and broke my heart that she ran terrified when I brought the broom out to sweep the floors. She hasn't had an accident in the house, but jumps on everyone and tries to nip fingers and toes. My kids are losing patience with her. I am reminded of them being small. Trying to teach them to stay out of something for months on end and wondering if they would ever learn to listen. Constantly worrying about them finding something small enough to choke on and doing several sweeps through the house a day to make sure nothing is within reach. Love is patient. I have learned that patience, kindness, gentleness and love will get me far in teaching something new. I know once Miss Molly learns what is hers and what is not that we will have a really great dog to help me teach the kids the virtues that I want them to learn. That learning starts now. They are learning that Love Is Patient...

Be Blessed!

Maygan

    I'm going to do it. I'm going to start doing what I have been wanting to do for a very long time and didn't have the courage to do. I am going to have a blog. Strange even to think of such a thing. I have never been great with technology and I don't plan to be anytime soon, but I love to write.
    Here I will write about our lives. Our wild, crazy, beautiful lives. My thoughts. My wild, crazy, sometimes out there thoughts. Our adventures. You probably guessed it... our wild adventures through the journey of life. Sometimes things slow down and there is nothing new going on. In those moments I seem to have the strangest ideas and thoughts. My mind does not like being bored. I hate drama, but love activity.
    I try to find the beauty in life all around me, even in the biggest messes. I'm still learning how. I am learning a lot of things. How to be patient, to be kind, to apply the wisdom I have already gained and to be gracious when being taught something new.
    We recently bought a fixer upper to be able to save money for a house later down the road. That, my friends, has been an adventure. With two children anything you try to do is an adventure. I'm learning that as well. We home school those two children. I have to say here that I truly admire women that have more than two, home school, and still have some of their marbles. I think someone poked a hole in the bottom of my bag. ;-) I wouldn't have it any other way. They drive me nuts and some days are so hard I don't know whether to laugh or cry, but the rewards are many and I can see them daily. As if I didn't already have enough crazy in my life, we decided to adopt a shelter dog. Today makes the third day home for her and she finally ate a little. I'm beginning to think it has had nothing to do with her adjusting and everything to do with things I will find are missing later.
    We all learn new things, we all go through trials and think that we are the only ones. Sometimes it helps to know that someone out there is learning right along with you. That they are praying right along with you, weeping or shouting for joy. I hope this becomes a place to share this journey.


Be Blessed!

Maygan