Standing Together

    My husband and I married young. Very young. Most said we wouldn't make it past two years. A few weeks ago we celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary. I like to say that wild angels are to thank for that. ;-) I love that man. Even when we are totally annoyed with each other, I love that man.
    We were told that marriage isn't easy. My 17 year old self just could not believe that the wonderful young man that I had loved for so long could ever hurt me or make me angry enough to question what seemed to be God's perfect plan for us. I could not ever imagine that at 17 and 20, we could ever grow or change from what we were at that moment. I was wrong. I had quit school thinking that I didn't need a high school diploma to be a wife and mother. It was all I had ever wanted to be. When 3 months into our marriage I found out we were pregnant with our first child, I panicked. I had visions of my child coming to me saying, "But Mom, you quit!" I enrolled the following semester into a program for school aged expectant mothers and completed half of my 11th grade year as well as my entire senior year in one semester. During that time, my husband's lungs spontaneously collapsed and I was reminded of all I had to lose. I can remember praying so hard. He had surgery and stayed in the hospital for a long time while I slept by his bed in a chair for a month and spent every spare moment I had doing as much of my school work that I could cram in. I tried not to worry about the bills, the groceries, the car that was breaking down. He was in so much pain and all I could keep praying for was his recovery and for the health of our unborn baby. My prayers were answered and my love had recovered in time to watch me walk to get my diploma. (Or rather, I waddled with my big belly ;-) ) Looking back, I realize how much that experience made us grow. We were stronger than ever and it helped us realize that as long as we had each other, we could get through anything.
    Fast forward a few years and a job change. We were pregnant with baby number 2. On the same day that the next door neighbor's place burned down and I had to run out of the house with our daughter in a panic on the phone with 911, my husband goes into the hospital with another collapsed lung. I was terrified to lose him. He came out of surgery looking so pale and had to stay in ICU. I couldn't stay with him that time and it broke my heart. We had a little girl that need mama, too. Over several months, he gained strength, and was able to return to work. I still don't remember how we made it through all of that a second time. I think it may have been so horrible that I have blocked it out.
    There have been so many ups and downs. The birth of our children, then me nearly bleeding to death afterwards and him right there holding my hand while the bleeding was being stopped. The job changes, the moves, the good times and the bad. We have gone through so much together. One would think that after all we have learned that there would never be a cross word or angry feeling between us. I wish I could say this were true. There are 2 things I have learned for certain 1) we are human and therefore we will make mistakes for the rest of our lives 2) that a marriage is precious and not something to be given up on. In a marriage we share our most secret selves with another person. God granted a forever friend and designed marriage to be the most important relationship we ever have on Earth besides the one we have with Him. We go through the hardest moments of our lives together. We know each other better than anyone else on this Earth knows us. Yet, we are usually the first ones the other one will hurt. We are most comfortable with those that know us the best and that means, unfortunately, that when we lash out, the one closest to us is usually our spouse. This is not the way it was meant to be.

    I have a wonderful aunt that made something to put on a shelf in our house that has the words written on it that we had read at our wedding. It is an excerpt from "The Art of a Good Marriage" by Wilfred Arlan Peterson. It says this,

 A good marriage must be created.

 In marriage the little things are the big things...

It is never being too old to hold hands.

It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.

It is never going to sleep angry.

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world.

It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.

It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.

It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.

It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.

It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.

It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.     
    Sometimes, when the road gets a little rocky, I find it helpful to pull this down, read it, and reread it several times, really letting the words seep into my heart. It's easy to forget that I was once, and have many times before, been left reeling from yet another hard blow by this harsh world and looked to find my love holding my hand through the storm. I have had many times that I have forgotten how hard I have fought to be by his side when he needed me.      A marriage is meant to be two people standing together and facing the world, not standing in front of each other with hatred in their hearts.  I can't think of anyone that I would rather have standing with me.  8/06/05

Be Blessed!

Maygan